She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize