You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
