I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
