my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just tell him i said nine months
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
