Define "chronic" masturbator.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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