Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
