just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
