you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
