okay pat passed out under dana's car
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
