she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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