Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
