and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
should my penis look like a turkey
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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