I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize