I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
