I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
