I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
