i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
