here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
