i think i have two assholes
organizing the empties. That sober.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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