i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
