That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
