My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
