things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
