does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
