No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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