the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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