a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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