Where is the hickey?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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