True but thats because hes a fetus.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize