well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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