So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize