i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
