btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
