White coat. Heels.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize