Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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