my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
