Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
