She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
