my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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