I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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