awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
