I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
