he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
