That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
