After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
