Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We just shotgunned beers for America
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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