OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
