my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
