he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
