a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
