I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
