I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
