worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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