im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
