She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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