he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
