chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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