is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
