wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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