How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
