Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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