I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
