i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize