It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
