I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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