dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize