I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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