Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
