His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
